loving a man wholeheartedly has been quite a journey. Initially, it Wasnt easy, wasnt romantic, wasn’t some fairytale -he whisked me away story. Initially, it was filled with doubt, being tormented by a past that I hadnt healed and I had not let go. The past that haunted me for years due to my first broken heart.
But I really wanted to move forward because I knew what was waiting for me. I had thrown quite a lavish, non-exclusive, over the top and long ‘Woe Is Me!’ party and I invited anyone that was in as dark of a place, as miserable of a place because in my natural vulnerable moments I was consumed by hurt. I was betrayed by love and I did not know how to cope. I didnt want to let go because I had allowed my pain to be the new Me.
Until, one day, I woke up and decided to slowly start healing, picking up pieces, having those hard conversations with not only myself but the person that hurt me. It wasnt one sided I had some responsibility in this too. I had to say “I was wronged, and I did wrong too. You hurt me really bad but life happens. We have to grow rather it be in the way I imagined or not.” I. Let. It. Go.
When I did that that man fell into my lap, an old “friend” that I could never quite shake over the years. He loved me exactly how I wanted. Soothed me and slowly started becoming a necessity in every day life. I was happy not because I depended on him making me happy but because I FOUND HAPPINESS within myself.
I love me and therefore I am able to love him. I have allowed myself to be loved properly and that the way people show love and affection may not always be the way I wish. It doesn’t lessen anything.
the bond is so much more meaningful with depth. I have fixed my flaws, shipped out old baggage and I work on me every single day. showing up for love because it takes work, norishment, confidence, trust, communication, etc. I love that man because that man loves me. He respects me and shares with me. He wants to be the best possible version of himself and that is what I admire.
No one comes in 100% percent you have to meet people where they are and work from there.